Removing the Invisible Barrier to Weight Loss

by Mariana Bozesan

Creating the kind of healthy lifestyle that supports long-term weight loss is a major commitment, so it's worth taking some time to look at things that may be getting in the way. Particularly for those of us who struggle with compulsive and/or emotional eating, there may be potent unconscious forces acting in direct opposition to our best efforts for weight loss.

At times, these forces can seem to overtake us completely, destroying whatever paltry progress we've managed to make. They seem all-consuming and all-powerful. In reality, they are nothing more than our own exagerrated feelings of anxiety and discomfort and examining them is the key to ending the destructive behaviors they trigger.

Many of us may believe that our emotions simply happen to us, when the truth is that we create them. We are the master of all of our feelings, but most of us never learn this way of looking at them. Instead of staying present during a stressful moment and actively choosing the best response, we will often go into a kind of reactive, automatic pilot mode during which we may experience a strange sense of absence. We feel powerless to control ourselves—almost as if we're hypnotized.

This is when our destructive behaviors seem to take the stage. We go into a trance of inactivity while they seem to have their way with us - we overeat, oversleep, watch too much television, drink too much alcohol or overindulge in a number of other ways. Afterward, we may experience feelings of remorse and regret, yet the next time we are feeling stressed, upset, bored or unwilling to tackle a difficult task, we will probably repeat the exact same cycle.

The Power of Identity

Losing weight is 80 percent psychology and emotional mastery and 20 percent mechanics¹. In other words, it is not enough to know what to do , we need to be able to do what we know. The reason we don’t always do what we know has to do with our identity, values and beliefs. Thus, to be successful in a weight loss program we need to tie our identity to that of a thin person. In essence, visualize ourselves as already being thin and allow our mindful focus to bring us there naturally and stressfree.

Staying Present Through "Silent Witnessing"

Just as developing our muscles can help us to burn fat, developing the mental ability to see our anxious feelings from the outside can help us get through them and change our responses to them. This ability is called "silent witnessing" and can be learned. It begins with mentally stepping outside the situation and seeing it from the outside—like a character in a movie—in order to get a better grip on the situation.

This creates a more objective state in which it becomes more possible to choose our own actions, instead of simply letting them happen. Like any training, we need to be very patient with ourselves and stick with it until we achieve mastery. It may be difficult in the begining, but it's worth it. Here's an effective method for silent witnessing:

• When an impulse arises, such as the impulse to overeat, slow yourself down and observe what is going on in your mind—moment to moment. Resist the urge to judge your thoughts, feelings or impulses. Do not edit, censor or try to explain them.


• Notice the thoughts and feelings that may be lingering just behind the impulse. Observe anything that comes up and become fully aware of it without getting attached to a particular feeling or thought. Take an inventory of how your body is feeling. Notice your breathing.


• If you experience distressing emotions or actual physical pain at any point, resist the impulse to try to escape these feelings; instead, attempt to see them, accept them, and then—release them.

Life on the High Seas

Acceptance does not mean passivity or resignation to our feelings. On the contrary, acceptance makes it much more likely that we will be able to respond in positive ways. Many people make the mistake of believing that emotional mastery is akin to suppressing the waves on the ocean, but not only is that not possible — it’s not desirable. The ocean's waves represent all the glorious variation and challenges of life, and emotional mastery is akin to surfing those waves.

Like surfing, emotional mastery requires hard work and the development of important skills. But once those skills are mastered, emotional mastery not only becomes easier — it becomes a pleasure, an opportunity to experience the full range of what life has to offer us. Like a surfer hoping for the really big waves, it becomes possible to relish life's challenges as opportunities for growth and renewal.

Forgiveness

Finally, one last key step in achieving emotional mastery involves forgiving ourselves and others for the past. In the same way that silent witnessing involves noticing and then releasing our fears, we need to acknowledge and then release our past mistakes and missteps—letting go completely of any desire to hold onto them. By letting go of the past and our attachments to it, we make room for a new self and a new future in which weight loss becomes not only possible, but natural.